at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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