It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
