I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
