it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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