I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The air was thick with penises
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
