Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
