dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize