I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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