I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize