i jhust puked up my retainher.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
