Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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