There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
