I wannas sexs uuuuu
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
