i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
