its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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