all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
