Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
