Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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