Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
