I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
