ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
