i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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