I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
