Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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