tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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