ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
