Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
