i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
