i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
