i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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