That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
