I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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