we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
