Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
