i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
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