woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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