I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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