It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
