his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
sex in a hospital.. check
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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