Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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