i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize