You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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