You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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