Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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