you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
