Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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