Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
