in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
