if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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