I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
