It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize