He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
