We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
should my penis look like a turkey
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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