okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
