so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
