Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
