How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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