I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
