I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
