Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
