So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
pray to the hookup gods
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
