I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
