its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
