4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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