Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
