remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We need to rekindle our bromance
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
