I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
