My liver just broke up with me...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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