drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
