high people should be assigned attendants
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
