so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
