Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My life is pants optional.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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