it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
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