ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
