Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
