you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Damn victory sex feels great
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
why is half of my head shaved?
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