So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
