She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
