Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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