are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize