i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
