I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
