my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
