I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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