White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
