you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
