please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
