I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
