i was born a porn star she said
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
