so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
