It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
