i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
