She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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