and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
