Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
