Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize