I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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