Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
