I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
