New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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