i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
