I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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