you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
