Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
