Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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