why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it's like heaven, but drunker
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize