Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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