Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
