New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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