That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i now understand why vodka
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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