apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
