so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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