Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
