she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
