just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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