this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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